December 1, 2002

SON OF SUFFERING

The Lord has been speaking to my heart that I am now entering into a new phase of ministry. Starting several months into next year God is going to be expanding the outreach of my testimony, and this for His glory.

However, He has also been warning me, and it has already begun, that I am going to suffer. This suffering will be of the mental and emotional kind rather than physical.

Even some Christians whom I have known for many years will be turning aginst me for no logical reason. Inexplicable things will happen. Many spiritual struggles lay ahead. But after a long season of these struggles and conflicts, huge victories will be achieved. God's work will be advanced.

Godly men and women of old have undergone such trials. So have many saints today. I am no exception. Therefore, the "Son of Hope," may, for a season, have to become the "Son of Suffering".

This is not something I want, nor am I looking forward to more hardships. It is simply the cost of following the Lord Jesus, who was the greatest Sufferer of us all. He was the "Man of Sorrows" Who was well acquainted with grief.

After all, what is my life to be but a "living sacrifice" (Romans 12:1) And God is faithful. He will not allow me to handle more than I could bear.

Besides, I cannot tell God what to do or not to do. He is the Potter, and I am merely the clay in His hands. Thus I am learning, too, to accept everything that comes my way as His will. I know that, ultimately, good will result.

David Berkowitz

December 3, 2002

BE READY

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer, to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear.

1 Peter 3:15

Be prepared to minister to and help many confused, troubled and despondent people in the United States of America in the days and months to come.

Poverty, homelessness, loneliness, alcohol and drug use, as well as a "spirit of despair" are now coming into many lives like unwanted thieves.

Satan, as we know, always desires to steal, kill and destroy. But Christ has come that people may have a spiritually abundant life of peace, hope and joy and salvation.

These are the days, however, when God is calling all of His children to be ready, and to be filled with the Holy Spirit. He wants us to be ready that we may know how to give a word of hope to those who are weary and tormented.

In the coming year there will be many hurting people who need help. Be prepared, therefore, to share the love of Jesus with people who are angry and disgusted. Have your spiritual lamps filled with oil.

Be steadfast and unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord. The harvest is ripening. Do not squander the opportunities. Do not allow despair to reign in people's lives. Bring God's Word and His light into every situation.

Walk in love and know your Bible. The Holy Spirit will give you discernment as to what to say (or not say), as will as how to handle each predicament.

Listen to what the Holy Spirit is saying to the Church.

David Berkowitz

December 4, 2002

MACK

It was a sad day. A friend of mine whom I would often sit next to as we ate our meals, got into some trouble. (I'll call him) Mack. Mack likes to do a lot of gambling. A sizable number of the men in here get wrapped up in football and other sports. They start wagering bets. And the stakes get high.

In the course of our time together I shared with Mack about my relationship with Jesus Christ. He is a proud man, and he said that following Jesus was okay for me, but that he didn't need the Lord.

Earlier today a special squad of prison guards came into the cellblock and handcuffed Mack and escorted him to the Special Housing Unit, also know as the "SHU"and "The Box".

I am not certain what his disciplinary charges will be; probably possession of gambling material as well as some other related charges. The word among the inmates, however, is that he is facing at least one year in solitary.

Mack doesn't have any family he's in contact with. The few family members he once knew are long since out of his life. He never gets visits. He seldom gets letters.

Before coming to prison Mack lived on the streets. He is well read and very smart. He has special training to work with the deaf and hearing impaired prisoners.

His family life, unfortunately, was completely dysfunctional. He split from his home in upstate New York during his teenage years, and he never went back. He chose instead to sleep on park benches over a normal bed. He just could not live with the alcoholism of his father, the abuse, and the daily strife.

---continued--

December 5, 2002

MACK IN THE "BOX"

I want to talk more about my friend, Mack. It hurt to learn that he got himself into big trouble with some serious charges.

Mack is a physically strong person, but he has a soft heart. He would often loan things to the needier guys never asking for anything back. Raw survival is what he's had to live by for most of his life.

While Mack is in solitary confinement I pray he recalls our conversations. Maybe this will be something of a wake-up call for him. I hope so. He needs the Lord.

Mack is like many prison inmates. Much of his life is a big secret. Very few prisoners reveal much of themselves for fear of being seen as weak, or of being hurt in the long run if they expose their vulnerable areas.

There were a few times many months ago when Mack actually went to a couple of chapel services. He even attended a Christian movie. (I think he went to see "Moses".)

And while I am not trying to paint a sympathetic portrait of a man who, like me, is doing time for murder, there were many factors in his earlier life which put him on this dead end road to prison.

He grew up with to much against him. And while many survived such opposing forces as as alcoholic parent, beatings and physical and emotional abuse, yet still go on to be mature adults and good citizens, not everyone does.

Mack did not. He succumbed to his environment. He wandered homeless, thinking that he was an outcast, that his life was useless. He did a string of odd jobs.  He often felt that his life didn't count.

---continued---

December 6, 2002

MORE ON MACK

I have been praying for Mack. It will be at least a few weeks before his disciplinary hearing will be completed and he will, if found guilty, be given his punishment.

He will not be taken to an outside court, as he did not break any of New York State's laws. He has, however, been charged with violating various prison rules.

There's a difference between breaking the law and facing charges in a town or state court, and with breaking prison rules and thus having to face disciplinary penalties which must be meted out by the prison's administration.

By breaking various prison rules, Mack can be confined to his cell, or he could lose various privileges for a specified period of time.

In Mack's case, because his charges are considered extra serious, as I mention in my journal entries for yesterday and the day before, he was immediately escorted to "The Box" in handcuffs.

I pray that he makes out okay. He can handle his punishment, I know.  But he needs more than cell confinement to straighten him out. Mack needs a new heart and a new life which only Jesus Christ can give.

As I recall the day, many months ago, when Mack blurted out, "Dave, is life worth living?" I could see that he was feeling down and was probably going through a time of introspection.

I felt good when he asked this because to me it meant that he had been giving some thought to his situation, and maybe to what I had been telling him about Christ.

David Berkowitz

December 8, 2002

ANDY TANT

It would take an entire chapter in a book to tell this story. But six years ago, on this day, a kind, loving and brilliant young man left this earth. His name was Andy Tant, and while he was here he impacted my life in a good way.

Andy was filled with the Spirit of God, and with a level of godly wisdom that I have never seen equaled in a boy who was only sixteen when he suddenly stepped into eternity.

Back in 1993 I became friends with this young man. His parents are devout Christians, and Andy was to become the editor of his middle school mewspaper. He heared my testimony and it inspired him.

We exchanged a few letters. We spoke over the telephone. I found it hard to believe that Andy was only in his early teens. He was mature beyone his years.

His level of spiritual insight was exceptional. He was active in ministry, such as reaching out to the homeless in nearby Nashville.

It was Andy whom God used to encourage me to share my story with his classmates. He gave me the the inspiration to begin reaching out to young persons.

Andy shared my story with his school, both with the students and staff. It went over so well that I knew that his generation was indeed receptive to what I had to say.

And  on December 8, 1996, on a lonely country road, my little friend died in a car crash. I was stunned and saddened.

But today Andy's voice continues to resound in my ears: "Go reach them, David. Tell them your story of hope. Bring some light to my generation."

With God's help, I will do so.

David Berkowitz

December 9, 2002

THE CHOICE IS YOURS

The first video I did with the hope of helping young persons to make good choices is called The Choice Is Yours. It was produced by Gospel Films, now known as Gospel Communications International. Their office is located in Muskegon, Michigan.

This video was born out of grief, pain and loss. It was released in 1997 in dedication to Andy Tant, the young man I spoke about in yesterdays' Journal.

Andy was a beacon of hope and a flaming torch for God. And I believe that he has passed on his torch to me to carry it forward.

As I mentioned in my previous day's journal entry, young Andy died in a head-on collision while he was driving on a Tennessee road on December 8, 1996.

On this December day his work on earth was complete. His parents, whom I am still in touch with, continue to grieve. I can sense their pain when they write their letters. I know they struggle with terrible loss, but their faith in God is strong.

I pray for Andy's parents and I try to encourage them when I wrote. They don't write to me as much as they used to. Their letters are becoming few and far between. But this is okay because I believe they want to move on. Nevertheless, they know how much I love them and how much I miss their son.  And I am still carrying his torch.

One day I will see Andy Tant in heaven. He's going to get a big hug from me.

David Berkowitz

December 13, 2002

IT IS WORTH IT

Here in the Catskill Mountains it is a bitterly cold and snowy day. I have been watching a freezing mist of white drift down from the heavens.

Outside my litle window I can see that everything is covered with ice and snow. I'm thankful to be indoors where it's warm.

I don't see how the apostle Paul survived all those times in a frigid dungeon. It must've been like living inside a refrigerator. Yet the Lord was with him.

I have an easy life when compared to Paul and the many other precious saints who, down through the centuries, have suffered so much for the gospel.

They loved people enough to risk their own lives to spread the good news about Jesus the Messiah. That He came to earth in the form of a man to die for our sins. Then to be raised from the tomb three days later as a triumph over sin and death.

When I consider the suffering other Christians have undergone, even risking their lives to tell the story of God's love, who am I to complain when I, too, must suffer, yet on a much smaller scale? My trials are miniscule when compared to theirs.

David Berkowitz

December 27, 2002

DIFFICULTIES AND VICTORIES

In retrospect this has been another difficult month. There were lots of trials and much wearyness. However my spirit is strong even though my body is weak and drained. But by God's strength I am pressing on and trusting in the Lord. And there were some wonderful spiritual victories, too.

I am always victorious because it is the Holy Spirit who sustains me. My Defender, the Lord Jesus, fights all my battles. He is my Shield and Buckler, my rock and Refuge, and even my Strong Tower.

Nevertheless, it seems that these days I am going from trial to trial, and tribulation to tribulation with few or no breaks in between.

Yet I am also going from glory to glory. As the apostle Paul has said in the Bible, "for our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. (2 Coritnthians 4:17)

And only a short while ago I finished a letter to a Native American friend and brother in Christ, who lives on the Rosebud Indian Reservation in South Dakota. He also seems to be undergoing struggles. So I tried to encourage him with the encouragement I received form God.

I have been making intercessory prayers for him as well as for those who are living on reservations across the United States and Canada. I prayed that the Holy Spirit will do a deep and special work in their hearts.

May God's Spirit continue to convict of sin and open hearts to receive and believe the everlasting and unchanging Gospel of Jesus Christ. Amen!

David Berkowitz

December 28, 2002

HATING GOD

This is not an upbeat or much welcomed message for the new year. However it is what the Holy Spirit impressed upon my heart today after a time of prayer.

The world system is beginning to display an increasingly intensifying fury against God. Some people are going wild with rage even seeing a simple "Nativity Scene" outside of a public library or in a park.

Be prepared for a tremendous onslaught of demonic forces to come against the chruch, especially against the church's leaders, evangelists, and all godly men and women who love Jesus Christ, and who are truly living for Him.

Lying spirits and spirits of anger and confusion are everywhere these days. Many people want to shove God out of their minds. They are opening themselves up to very strong delusions because of their continued rebellion against the things of God.

Many in society take joy in hearing stories about ministers who have taken a "fall" and commited some kind of sin. A number of godly men and women are also being accused of things that are not even true.

The public is being programmed to see evil in God's anointed ministers and their motives. The specter of OPEN persecution is becoming more of a reality.

Today's Christian must be spiritually prepared for such things, and for this kind of spiritual climate. Open persecution has been going on in other nations for many years.

Now even American missionaries are dying on foreign fields for sharing the gospel, and for demonstrating the love of Jesus. DO NOT think that such persecution cannot happen here on the shores of the United States. (2 Timothy 3:12)

David Berkowitz

December 29, 2002

A SECRET PLACE

This was yet another busy but joyous Sunday with our morning worship service followed by our afternoon Bible study. Then this evening is a "movie fellowship" and study. But I am staying in my cell to do this journal and to write several letters.

Right now, however, I just want to say "Thank you" to all of my dear brothers and sisters in Christ who have been praying for me, and who have been so faithful to do this throughout the past year and beyond. May the Lord Jesus bless and reward each person who said even the briefest of prayers for my life. I am so grateful!

These days I must admit that I feel weak in my flesh. I need to rest in the Lord and to find that "secret place" where I can get refreshed and renewed in my body and spirit. It is time for a fresh anointing in my life.

This weekend I have been staying up late praying fervently for various countries, from Venezuela to Albania, and Nigeria to Malawi. There are so many empty hearts and empty stomachs in this world. Billions of people need a touch from the Lord. They need to know about a God who loves them.

I have also been making intercessory prayers for the United States and the U.S. Military (especially since we may be at war again in the near future).

I often ask the Lord to watch over our military as they protect our nation. And I pray too for Native Americans who struggle on Indian reservations all across America.

Jesus is the Answer.

David Berkowitz

December 30, 2002

CLOSING OUT THE YEAR

As this year nears its close I can say with certainty that my heart is fixed on the Lord. Through His grace I have fought the good fight, and there was much spiritual warfare in 2002.

God has heard my cries and prayers. Again and again, He came on time to deliver me from my enemies, from those who set traps for me and who sought my hurt.

The second half of this year has been exceptionally challenging. Back in July there was a parole hearing. The media focused on this quite a bit. The Lord, however, gave me the wisdom to handle this well. I ended up attending the hearing, not to seek parole, but to witness for the Lord. Still, it was a stressful period.

Then right behind this came the Washington, D.C. area sniper shootings. As this crime spree quickly began to escalate, the news media and a myriad of "criminal profilers" began to spin their conflicting theories, frequently throwing my name into this. Yet they all turned out to be wrong.

Nevertheless, my own criminal past was thown back into the public eye. My face was in the news practically every day. I had to once again go through the anguish of being reminded of my own terrible actions from 25 years ago.

Then came some personal trials and situations with other Christians. I had to be a peacemaker for different parties; it was very taxing and draining. All my strength seemed to vanish. And now, suddenly, another attack from the adversary has now begun. I will discuss this latest assault in tomorrow's journal entry.

David Berkowitz

December 31, 2002

NATIONAL ENQUIRER

I would love to end this year with some encouraging reports about God's exploits. I was hoping to share in my final journal entry for 2002, a glorious victory report from Detroit, Michigan. I will have to save this for next year.

Right now, however, I have to address an urgent matter. I am seeing, as I continue on this Christian journey, that the devil is getting more clever and diabolical in his attacks against my life and my testimony.

This is no surprise. In fact I am learning to rejoice in these fierce trials. That the devil is mad at me is a blessing because it surely is evidence that whatever I am doing is shaking the kingdom of Hell.

Recently I learned that a woman who had reached out to me (back in October) asking for help in dealing with the issue of forgiveness, had apparently made some kind of deal with the National Enquirer, a scandal tabloid.

My letters to her (there were three letters) were filled with words of kindness and encouragement. I tried to share the comfort of Jesus with this woman who, sadly, lost a child through an act of violence.

I do not know what happened, but the National Enquirer printed a lengthy story filled with fabrications and falsehood.

When I read this article it felt as if my guts were being ripped out of me. The Enquirer article was an attack of demonic ferocity unlike anything I had ever experienced previously.

I was alleged to have written letters to this woman that were confessions to unsolved crimes. That I committted my first murder when I was eleven years old, and that I would have the "urge to kill" until the day I died.

The entire article is absurd and full of lies. I am praying about this situtation. But for now, I am simply glad this year is finally over. Halleluiah!

David Berkowitz